Still Mama’ing…

Posted on July 27, 2010. Filed under: grad school, parenting, Who I am | Tags: mothering |

I haven’t been blogging for awhile and I have some sadness about that fact. I can’t really figure out why though. I know that I appreciated the comments, the sense of connection I had when someone responded. But that certainly isn’t enough to keep me going because no one comments nearly enough and I guess I’m not controversial enough to spark any debate in my comments yet. Then there’s the ego – it’s nice to think I’ve got something valuable to say and readers somewhere would want to hear it. Or maybe it’s more of an issue of the idealist in me – I want to say something, anything that might have an impact, might contribute to an important conversation.

Whatever it is, it seems clear to me that I’m going to have to revise my reasons for blogging – at least with this blog. Maybe it needs to be about documenting the trials and tribulations of mothering three teenage, or two teenage and one ridiculously close to teenage preteen, by myself in an ever-growing community, while I pursue my doctorate and try to positively impact the world in as many ways possible. And of course, I really want to do all that while having fun, while pursuing an emotionally, spiritually and physically healthy self. I guess I am egotistical and idealistic, and maybe just a little bit ballsy, because I think I can do all that and I think the process should be documented in some way. And maybe, just maybe, there are others who will read, engage me in conversation, and benefit in some way from my ruminations. But mostly it seems clear to me that this blog has to be about me and for me, otherwise I won’t do it.

Of course my biggest obstacle, even for blogging for myself, is time. I did manage to finish the MA and coursework so there’s only classes to prep, articles to write, and comps to read for. And the amount of time that I spend waiting for the girls to be ready to go to x, y, or z, is rivaled only by the amount of time I spend in the family taxi. I could use that time to tap out a blog post but then those posts might be all about how frustrated I get waiting. (Remind me to write about my issues with control and how my girls’ failure to be where I want when I’m ready is a sure trigger.) Anyhow, I need to think about time some more. How I use it and don’t and how maybe I should use it in order to fulfill some of these tasks that I’m somehow compelled to return to even though there isn’t anyone forcing me, its not going to change the world, and I might even NOT want people to see my neurosis so up close and personal.

Potential blog topics;
Control and the lack thereof
Time

Hmm, I bet those are related.

Anyhow, I’ve had a great summer so far, especially because I took an extended break from academics in order to recover from, I mean enjoy, the process of finishing the MA, take care of the aforementioned teens and all their summer activities (because they’ve been with me for most of the summer) and to enjoy my new girlfriend with whom I’d no doubt be cuddling instead of tapping this out if she weren’t off being a superwoman and biking the western coast of the U.S. All of these things have gotten me tanner, in better physical shape than I’ve been in a long time, and pretty damn happy. But I guess I’ve also felt the need to reconnected to the blogs. So here goes.

P.S. The discussion on Blogging 101 over at www.hippymom.com gave me the little kick in the rear to get back to it now!